Black Friday part 1: It Begins

Black Friday is a day that is both loved and feared. Loved by people who love to get high ticketed merchandise for dirt cheap and hated by anyone who works in retail and people with fears of large crowds and angry people. I would always shake my head when I would read news articles of people getting into fights over ten dollar TVs and other fabulously priced goods. I would always drive to the stores on Thanksgiving evening to mock the people who would rather wait in line then stay at home eating delicious food stuffs. To me, Black Friday was a crock. On this past Black Friday, however, my friends and I decided to abandon common sense and personal safety to fight with the crowds in search of killer deals and savings. What follows is a descent into the primal state the human condition. 

Welcome to Wal-Mart.

It all started that Thanksgiving afternoon. My family and two of our friends, Baby Gorilla and Skittles, met at my mom's for a wonderful Thanksgiving meal. We got all the food prepped, table set and all sat down for a delicious meal. After the meal my brother, Baby Gorilla, Skittles and I sat around rubbing our panzas' feeling very fat and sassy. In between labored breaths we just chewed the fat, both figuratively and literally. The discussion inevitably came to the subject of Black Friday. We all joked about how stupid the idea of fighting crowds, sometimes literally, to get useless junk. Baby Gorilla insulted the sexual preferences of the Black Friday shoppers. Skittles chimed in with how impractical the idea of the dreaded Friday was. My brother brought up the looming strikes that may come from Target and Wal-Mart and then shoved a drum stick into his mouth. Yes, the consensus was Black Friday was ridiculous.

After a moment of silence, Baby Gorilla told us how at Best Buy, Assassin’s Creed III was only going to be twenty five dollars. I have to admit, that was a pretty sweet deal as it was normal sixty dollars. Skittles looked up some deals on his phone and found that pants from his favorite pants store, American Eagle, were going to be forty percent off. He was in desperate need of new pants as Skittles looked like an Asian orphan from a Charles Dickens novel. My brother then brought up that Best Buy would also be selling a laptop for a hundred bucks. My jaw dropped. I was in desperate need of a new laptop. I couldn't stand the ridicule I was receiving at the local Starbucks where I went to write my screenplay from all the real writers. Real writers do not write on legal pad, they mocked. I knew I could not also get a beret and scarf, but damn it, I would get a lap top. 

He really needed pants.

Hush fell over us. Skittles looked up at the ceiling. He then made the suggestion;

“So, you guys wanna check it out?”

We all rubbed our imaginary beards in contemplation. Baby Gorilla and I looked at each other and decided why not? At the least, we could rip on all the people who were crazier then us. We were in. My brother warned us that it was going to be, as they say on the streets, 'cray-cray.' I did not believe him, the news always exaggerates the stories of people getting shot over microwaves. Skittles, who was sick of wearing only one pair of pants, rationalized that it was a quick in-and-out for a couple pair of pants. I mean, those American Eagle jeans are normally super expensive, smell of a field of daisies and guarantee to get you laid. I don't really know as I am a beaner that wears Dickies. Baby Gorilla's response to my brother was him leaning over to my brother and flicking his wiener.

It was decided. We would go out on Black Friday.

My brother threw his hands up and like Pontius Pilate before him, washed his hands of the situation. We scoffed. The three of us felt pumped up. Like in the scene of Fellowship of the Ring where the council in Rivendale decides to take the ring to Mount Doom. Only we were way more ethnic and only one of us was a hobbit. That night, we would meet up and go shopping. I went home and spent time with my wife, as it may be the last time I ever saw her.

My brother after deciding the fate of Christ. And Black Friday.

That night around eight o'clock, I was laying around in my underwear watching the ultimate Thanksgiving day movie, Powder, when I got a text from Skittles. He wanted to know if I would like to head to Wal-mart in the next hour. Confused, I told him all the events went down at midnight. He corrected me with they started at nine that evening at both Wally World and Target. I was not prepared for this and without really thinking it through, I agreed. Come get me and let us tear this night up. Skittles was on the way and I got ready. Did my hair, got dressed and took my switchblade because I love West Side Story. Skittles rolled up and away we went to get Baby Gorilla. We picked him up and took a deep breath. We were really going to do this. I said a quick prayer and into the darkness we drove.

Little did we know, this night would tax our minds, bodies and our souls. 

Nothing will go wrong.