Native Shenanigans, My Wife, and Me.

I am married to a pretty wonderful gal. She is a great sport and puts up with a lot of my crap. Trust me, I have lots to spare. I owe her so much that I could never pay her back in this lifetime. I am up to my eyeballs in debt to her. Now that I have said that about her, it is time to get into more debt.

Long ago on a cold fall night, back when we were dating, I picked up Future Wife from her job at a horrible place where she took pictures of other people's horrible offspring. I think it was called 4th Circle of Hell or Kiddie Kandids. Something to that effect. Anywho, we decided to go on a spur of the moment date. I told her one of my favorite things to do in the winter in Desert, Utah, is to go driving at night when it is really cold. I like to get a Coke and peanuts (aaayyy!) and listen to good tunes. This intrigued Future Wife and she decided she would like to accompany me. So I picked her up, we got our supplies and away we went into the cold night.

Guaranteed to make any date more romantic.

We drove around in the arid Siberian for a while. We talked about whatever was on our mind. Family, friends, movies, whateves. We drove to the top of this mountain over looking the city. Desert, Utah is beautiful at night in the winter. One of my favorite things to behold. We cuddled up together, heater humming and Al Green crooning about getting married. 

Future Wife began to shiver. That is one thing about Future Wife, she gets cold really easy. Like frustratingly easy. I took off a swig of my Coke and peanuts, removed my jacket and offered it to her. She protested and gave me every reason why she should not take it. Another thing about Future Wife, she has this problem  with taking things. Good thing I am bigger. I forced it on her. She wouldn't admit it, but she felt warm. It was a perfect night. The ones that only come around every so often.

It was now time for me to ruin it.

Ruin the evening as bad as Johnny Depp ruined Indians.

A car zoomed behind us. Al Green was replaced by the Temptations. Future Wife asked me if I was cold. I told her that I was perfectly fine. She couldn't believe me, so she asked again why I was not cold. The reason, I explained with my far off distant expression, was because I had the spirit of the buffalo coursing through my veins. That because of the Indian ceremony I performed, I was granted the gift of warmth.

She bought it. Hook line and sinker.

I can see why she did. Future Wife has never really been exposed to Native Americans and their ways were a complete mystery to her. She also didn't know that Indians love to play jokes. Especially Navajos. Especially me. I think I listened to one to many stories about Coyote, the Ashton Kutcher of Navajo lore who Punk'd all the other spirits and deities.

You got served!

For a couple weeks, Future Wife bought the spirit of the buffalo. She told her family and friends (mostly white) about the power of Native Magicks. Every time she did, my smile grew more and more. I was basically the Cheshire Cat. Another thing about Indians and their wacky shenanigans is that we love to pull one over on white people. I would even conjecture that it is the national Native American past time.

On another cold day, Future Wife and I were hanging out at her place on her couch. She was wishing she had the spirit of the buffalo. I looked down and when I saw her face, I knew I had to fess up. She genuinely wished she had. For realsies. With a sigh, I told Future Wife I had something to tell her.

I than told her that the spirit of the buffalo was a total sham. I had made it up because my participation in the furthering of playing pranks of whites had gotten the best of me. When I finished, her face was red with embarrassment and the wind had been taken out of her sails. Maybe the wind spirits were getting in on the fun.

Wind spirits. Man those guys are cocks.

I felt like crap.

I apologized to her profusely. That it was just a joke and I did not know that she would buy it. I mean, spirit of the buffalo? Come on. She then excused me of calling her stupid. I was losing ground. Fast. The next thing I told her was that I would do anything to make it up to her. Future Wife smiled a wry smile and told me she thought of a way.

The next week I was having Thanksgiving with her family. Now, her immediate family is probably twice the size of my entire family. So there I was, in the middle of a large group of people with yelling and screaming children.

They also made me sit on the floor.

Well played Future Wife. Well played.