My Gay Friend Violates Me and we all Learn a Valuable Lesson.

Amy Blowfish is one of my best friends. We have worked together on movies and projects and have become close in the last four years. Amy Blowfish is more like a brother to me than a friend. I love him and wish him well on his journeys. On that note, Amy Blowfish is probably the gayest person I have ever met.

Pictured: Amy Blowfish with his famous catchphrase.

On one beautiful summer evening, I get a call from Amy Blowfish. He is a little bit drunk, but that is per the usual on a lovely night. Although on this night, Amy has been hitting the boxed wine a bit hard.

"Hey Big Mountain (his Indian name for me), I need you to do me a solid."

I was not doing much with my time and I told him I would.

"Hot. I need you to call me in like ten minutes. I got this new phone and wanted to set up all the shit for it. If it goes to voice mail, just keep calling."

Nothing but class.

Seemed easy enough. I told him I would.

"Thanks baby! Welp, momma needs some more wine. BYE!"

Amy Blowfish hung up and I grabbed a soda. I waited a moment and saw it was time to call. I gave Amy a ring and after a couple minutes it went to voice mail. I hung up and dialed again. Voice mail. I tried one more time and it did the same as before. After fulfilling Amy's request I went about my evening and about five minutes later I got this text:

Nothing can go wrong.

"thanks fro the call sugar! You made my night! ;)"

I did not know what I did, but was happy I could help Amy Blowfish with his request.

The next day, Amy Blowfish showed up to my house and let himself in, as he usually did. I greeted him with a soda and we sat down to shoot the scheisse. He showed me his new phone, which was this really skinny slim phone that he said was alright, but had a great vibration function. We then talked about the usually run of topics; old people that freaked Amy out, movies, gay things, and whatever.

The subjects of our conversations.

 After our conversation, I asked him what he needed with the calls last night. Amy Blowfish's face erupted into a cheshire smile. He looked around the room as if someone was listening in and than leaned in; 

"Just to let you know, my ass gets great reception." 

Verizion: Fulfilling Butt Desires.

I was a bit confused. Amy Blowfish cackled and swished out the door. After thinking about it for a moment, it hit me. Amy Blowfish molested me via his phone. I was an unwilling participant in his hot and dirty sexual exploits. I felt used and ashamed. I than took a long shower and cried. 

I wish I could quit you.